karmyn75 (karmyn75) wrote,

  • Mood:

I am so scared

Been a long time since I posted. Been a lot that's happened.
But the thing is, I'm scared. I've been hit by a really bad depression/melancholy episode. Weird sleeping patterns, lots of crying, and too much sad music and sad stories. It's not constant. There have been rare moments when I've been almost happy, almost normal. Even laughed a time or two. But it never lasts.
For the first time in a long time, I picked up a knife with serious intent. Luckily, it never really get that far. Never leave a mark anybody would really notice.
Been too damn hot here. Over 100 every day and weeks without rain. That doesn't help things.
I go to the clinic today. That's if I keep the appointment. Haven't been to sleep yet.
I'm torn between needing to know what's wrong and being scared to find out. Something has been gnawing at my gut for days now. Not sure if it's something about me or things in general. It's not a happy world out there right now. And there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I wish there was.
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